Funny stories

March 27, 2008

Hai câu chuyện cười cho ngày hôm nay:
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1. Chuyện tình Việt nam – “Đào hoa”

Bạn bè bảo tôi là thằng cô đơn vì tôi chưa có bạn gái.

Nhưng tôi cũng đã từng có người con gái nguyện cùng tôi sống chết có nhau : “không trả nợ cho bà, bà thề sống chết với mày” .

Cũng từng có người con gái cùng tôi hẹn ước đến kiếp sau : “muốn kua chị mày đây hả? Đợi kiếp sau đi kưng ” .

Và từng có người con gái cam lòng tự nguyện vì tôi mà chết : “Làm bạn gái ông? Tui thà chết còn hơn”

Nghĩ lại tôi thấy mình cũng đào hoa ra phết.

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2. Chuyện tình nước Mỹ – “Vợ chồng”

Letter 1: A husband writes a letter to his wife Hubby

Dear Hubby,

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean, and god forbid we should stain them
17 times it was too late, you did it yourself
49 times you were too tired, from a day of shopping
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache, or a hang over and couldn’t get it up
17 times you were afraid the puppies were watching
16 times you said you were too sore from your workout
12 times you passed out form drinking too much that night
19 times you had to get up early for a sale at A&F
9 times you said weren’t in the mood
7 times you were sunburned all over cause you tan butt naked, and they had new lights at the tanning salon.
6 times you were watching re-runs of Will & Grace
5 times you didn’t want to mess up your hair, not sure how this could happen with that much product in your hair.
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us, hell let them watch
9 times you said your mother would hear us, hell let here watch

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there’s a crack in the ceiling
4 times you kept asking if I was finished yet
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I saw the odd looks on your face

Your love,

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Letter 2: His wife writes him a response

To my dear husband,

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn’t get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the dogs, sorry just not into that
36 times you did not come home at all, and found you asleep in your car drunk the next morning
21 times you didn’t cum at all, not sure what is up with that.
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in, go buy some Viagra
38 times you worked too late, I wonder on who?
10 times you got cramps in your toes and legs from working out too much, damn steroids anyhow.
29 times you had to get up early for the sale down at Macy’s
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper, at least I gave it a kiss to get better.
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running, I’m so not into vomit
2 times you had rubbed yourself raw
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day and j/o by yourself
6 times you came all over the sheets while reading a dirty book or watching porn
98 times you were too busy watching Will and Grace

Of the times we did get together:
-The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. Damn drunks anyhow
-I wasn’t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, “Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?” Get a hearing aid.
-The time you saw those odd looks on my face was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

Your love,

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